sto. nino A - 1

Sang nagligad nga Lunes ginbalik ako sang obispo sa seminaryo.  Amo gani nga ang pamatyag ko subong daw isa ako ka ginapasa-pasa nga bola.  Maayo man lang kuntani kon football ukon baseball kay daw layu-layu gawa ang pagpasa-pasa sang bola.  Pero pamatyag ko subong daw pingpong ako - halin sa catedral ginbutang ako sa seminaryo, halin sa seminaryo ginbalik ako sa katedral, halin sa katedral ginbalik naman ako subong sa seminaryo.  Masyado ka lapit.  Ang iban nga pari kon magsaylo assignment, aba ginadul-ong sang pagkalawiglawig nga caravan - kay madul-ong gid ang mga fans.  Ti akon ya wala gani duha ka minuto nga lakat ato ka na.

Wala ako nagasiling nga luyag ako magpacaravan ukon magpadul-ong-dul-ong gid, kay basi ibalikid  ta ka kag singganan “ngaa madul-ong ka gid, abi mo sa akon indi katultol?” Ginahambal ko lang ini tungod kay subong lang ako nakakadlaw sa akon situwasyon.  Ginasiling nga kon akig ka pa ukon indi mo pa mabaton ang mga nagakalatabo sa imo kabuhi, kon imo lang ini ginahipsan kag indi mo luyag hambalan, you are not yet reconciled with the events that happened, you have not yet embraced it and therefore you have difficulty moving on.  Pero kon makadlawan mo na ini nga mga butang, kon makadlawan mo na ang imo hibubun-ot, kag ang imo pamurogso that is an indication that slowly healing is taking place, you have learned to accept it, and you have already started moving on with your life and responsibility.  Kon sa mga pilas pa, kanami na karuton ang pinali-an.

Sa akon eksperyensiya natalupangdan ko nga grabe na subong ang aton issue to assume full control with what is happening in our lives.  Daw nagahampang ka lang bala sa facebook sang gintawag nga farmville - nga kon mabantayan mo lang sing sakto, kon matatap mo lang sing sakto, kon maarado mo lang ini sang sakto kag matubigan, piho gid nga mangin maayo ang resulta sini.  Pero ti ang kabuhi indi man facebook.  Kon kaisa bisan anano mo ka bantay sang bata mo nagakatabo sa gihapon ang wala mo ginapaabot.  Kon kaisa bisan anano mo pa ka id-id, bisan anano mo pa ka kabusi-si may nagalisa gid, may maligaran ka gid, may malusot gid nga indi amo.  Sa masami kahapos lang sa aton magpamasol-masol, magpabangod.  Kon kaisa pati aton kaugalingon ginabasol naton sing walay untat kag walay kataka kag walay patawad.  Actually it is not an issue of simply making mistakes or missing out on things.  Rather it is an issue of losing control when I could have controlled things to my liking, when I could have directed things according to my desires, according to what I like.  Pero ang kabuhi nagapakita sa aton nga bisan ano pa naton ka luyag, bisan ano pa naton ka pilit, indi lang sa iban nga mga butang ukon tawo, pero bisan gani sa aton kaugalingon, many things in our life turn out unexpected or even outright abhorrent.  There are things we cannot control.  There are outcomes we cannot calculate.  There are conclusions that defy logic.  There are things that do not come up to our liking.  And therefore there are things that we just have to learn to accept and embrace as part of our imperfect humanity.  I must reach that point nga makasiling na ako sa akon kaugalingon, nabuhat ko na ang tanan isalig ko na lang ini sa Dios.  The opposite of control is trust.  I believe it can be and it is unhealthy to micro-manage life and everything that happens in it, and everything that is connected with it.  The invitation is always entrustment.   

Nagapati ako nga bahin ini sang pamatasan sang isa ka bata, ang imahen sang Sto. Nino, ang imahen nga ginatanyag sang aton ebanghelyo.  Unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.  This is a call to trust.  But to do so Jesus says, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  Whoever humbles himself.  This is a call to relinquish control.  You can only trust when you are willing to relinquish control.

When St. Therese of the Child Jesus was denied entry to Carmel because she was only fifteen years old, she went to Rome to appeal to the Holy Father, to the pope himself.  But when she was there the pope could only tell her to obey your superiors.  At this point St. Therese wrote that she felt that she was a ball in the hands of the Child Jesus - sometimes Jesus would play with the ball, other times Jesus would squeeze the ball, and sometimes Jesus would place the ball near his heart.  Recalling that frustration when the pope told her to obey her superiors she said:  "Jesus let His little ball fall to the ground and He went off to sleep.”

When we look at life as playfully as St. Therese things would be easier I believe, and as Jesus promised it would not be that hard to become the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

At this point in my life I feel that the child Jesus likes to play pingpong.  So let him play. One day he will tire and then he will pick up the ball and put it in the pocket nearest his heart.