22nd sun A - 1

Cardinal Sin, of happy memory, has a funny, almost corny way of describing the three stages of marriage, ang tatlo ka halintang sang paghigugma upod ang nagakalain-lain nga singsing sa tagsa ka halintang.  The first stage, he said is “I like you” the time of engagement, the time when love is young and vibrant – ang singsing sa sini nga halintang amo ang engagement ring. 

Ang ikaduha nga halintang sang paghigugma amo ang halintang sa diin ang nagahigugmaanay nagasiling sa isa kag isa, “I love you” ang tion sang kasal, the time when love becomes a promise, the honeymoon stage when lovers walk in cloud nine and everything seems happy and gay.  Ang singsing sa sini nga halintang amo ang wedding ring. 

Ang ikatlo kag katapusan nga halintang sang paghigugma is when lovers begin saying to each other “I really love you.”  Diri ginatestingan ang paghigugma, when in spite of and despite of, we can still say “I really, really love you.”  Diri sa sini nga halintang nga ang paghiguma mangin isa ka a commitment.  Ang singsing sa sini nga halintang amo ang suffer – ring.

Sa sini nga adlaw sa aton ebanghelyo ginapakita sa aton ang paghigugma sang Dios, a love that won’t budge in any difficulty, a love that won’t stop even in suffering and pain, a love that never says die, sa pagkamatuod amo ini ang paghigugma nga handa magpakamatay kag padayon nga maghigugma bisan pa ini magatuga sang kamatayon. 

Apang indi amo sina ang akon punto sa sini nga hapon.  My point of reflection in our gospel today are the many obstacles, mga sablag nga aton ginabutang kon ang paghiguma nagakinahanglan sang mga pag-antus, the obstacles we put when love calls us and demands from us suffering; when love calls us to suffer; when love demands from us to undergo pain.

Indi ako ginikanan pero sang nagatrabaho ako sa seminaryo sa ulod sang onse ka tuig bahin sang akon trabaho amo ang pagdala sang masakit ng abalita.  I have this unhappy and heartrending task of announcing the bad news sa mga seminarista – breaking the news that he is to pack up and go home for good, breaking the news that one has to suffer the consequences of one’s action, by way of punishment or lost privileges.   It is one of the most painful task in a formator’s life, but it is also one that is necessary. 

Sa masami nagasakit man ang buot ko sa ginabuhat ko so sometimes I would avoid this kind of suffering by withholding a painful decision; nga indi mo na lang pagsapakon ang kamatuoran sa kahadlok nga makita mo nga ang imo ginaamligan kag ginatatap maga-antus; the temptation to cushion the pain and even to avoid it altogether tungod kay ginahigugma mo sia.  But is it really love?  Does love mean, I shall not permit you to suffer; that I shall do all means to cushion the pain? 

Peter loved the Lord so much he did not want him to suffer, he could not bear to see him suffer.  Ginbalabagan niya sia.  He wanted to prevent him from suffering.  But why was Peter remonstrated by the Lord?  Why was Peter called Satan and an obstacle to the will of God?  If love means not permitting Jesus to accept suffering, why was Peter told to get behind, to go back to his rightful place at the back of Jesus, not at the front but at the back of Jesus; that Peter may follow rather than lead; that Peter may be shown the way of loving till the end rather than lead Jesus to his false concept of loving?  Peter became an obstacle in the loving of Jesus because he wanted suffering prevented.  But can suffering for love and in love be prevented?  Can we anesthetize ourselves and our loved ones from the pain of real loving?

Sang pamatan-on pa ako sa seminaryo we were always told that when we become priests we should not bring our mothers in the convent to live with us.  Why, I ask?  It’s an age-old wisdom they say.  Our mothers would love us so much they won’t allow us to suffer, they won’t allow us to get tired, they won’t allow us the risk of getting sick, they won’t allow us to be burdened, so much so that in the end because of the so many prohibitions and endless preoccupation for our good, they practically won’t allow us to become priests anymore.  So they say indi pagpa-istara si nanay nyo sa konbento.  Sometimes in our care for our loved ones we end up taking the role of Peter by being an obstacle in the loving of Jesus.  We end being an obstruction, a hindrance rather than a help in our children’s vocation.  Believe me after counseling married couples this observation is as true in marriage as well as in the priesthood.

In the seminary the hardest thing to do is to learn to bring the bad news nga daw sa waay lang.  Sa sulod sang malawig nga mga tinuig nga nag-updanay kamo dira, you begin to really care for them.  The difficulty comes when you have to make them face the consequences of their actions and make them bear the burden of these consequences.  Kita mo nga nagahilibion sila, kita mo nga nagapakitluoy sila.  Naluoy ka, you feel remorse kag ang mas masakit pa gid amo nga you feel guilty for making them bear such difficulty and suffering. 

Indi ini mahapos but it must be done, for our children will never learn to take responsibility and learn accountability when we always cushion their fall every time they make bad decisions.  Learning hurts and when it hurts the ones we loved, we too get hurt and it is a necessary suffering, a suffering we have to bear with them, silently.  I know a many good parent who bore this pain with steadfastness and silent courage.  True and real friendship is one who can risk loosing even the friendship for the good of his friend.  It is not easy, but you see, only fairy tales tell us that loving is easy.  For if it is easy, then only fairy tales tell the truth, while the rest of us are liars.

Indi yadto mahapos para kay Jesus.  Indi yadto mahapos nga mag-decide sia nga makadto sa Jerusalem agod mag-antus kag sa ulihi pagapatyon.  Apang si Pedro ginatudluan nga ang iya pinakadaku nga mahimo nga sala sa iya paghigugma kay Jesus amo ang pagpahapos sang tanan para kay Jesus.  Peter is being taught that his greatest mistake in his love for Jesus was to make it easy for Jesus.  There are and there will be many decisions in life in our relationship with the people we love wherein we will be put in the same shoes with Peter.